Well for the 2nd time in 7 years we are leaving Abilene. While this move has a lot of differences from the previous one (we now have 3 kids) the biggest difference is that we are not moving by choice, we are being "forced" out this time. I think that has been one of the hardest parts for me, that I'm not leaving by choice. Add that on top of the fact that it has been really hard to leave with the feeling that I didn't accomplish what I had originally come here to do. Acts 20:24 has always been a big verse for me...Grace...maybe I didn't talk about Grace enough. Grace is a big concept to understand and while it has elements of forgiveness, it's not quite the same. If we miss out on the concept of Grace, we miss out on so much!
I spent 6 years pouring into a place, into an idea and into people that didn't reciprocate or at least didn't seem to in retrospect. You know it's funny, when I was in Junior High I used to think that you could only really love something/someone if they returned that same love back to you; otherwise it wasn't really love at all, it was just some cheap fabrication of what we thought love was. I don't believe that now of course and I definitely believe that the opposite is more True now than ever before. You can definitely Love something, sacrifice for something, commit to something without getting anything back. That really is what Love is right?
After we came to Abilene the first time, I would always joke and say that "I came as a footnote and I will leave as a footnote." Now while that is both figuratively and quite literally true on both accounts, that part never mattered to me. It didn't matter because my plan and my vision had very little, if anything, to do with me. I never needed a newsletter with my picture on it; my bio isn't 8 pages long full of random accolades; I don't need fancy shoes, suits, watches, a big office or a record deal...and I never really wanted credit, just feel appreciated...
*raises hand slowly* I really just want to work my tail off and be a part of something special, something bigger than me...the rest of it, is just kind of fluff to me. The grind is where I live, and kind of where I like to be. That's why I love coaching so much...
So while very few people cared that I came or that I left, we still came back. Why? Because I was supposed to. For what reason exactly, I'm still not sure. Every step of this journey from leaving Colorado until now I've been sitting in the back seat, being lead. And this is hard because while I don't feel "lead" to leave here, my Faith in what God has in store for myself and my family, my Faith in how He will provide for us and my Faith in that I am still being pursued with Grace and Love is why I know that leaving is the best thing.
